80’s

Dark times are mostly personal. We can experience darkness in the face of light still, acknowledging the moment s highs. A distressing battle between good and evil.

I read an article on the 80s, the decade I grew up in.
Despite being my darkest years, there s a big revival currently of the 80s, deemed the best post-WWII decade, economically and culturally.

I fully agree.

Music is an example, the greatest musicians thrived in the day, Cure, U2, Cult, Mission, Bauhaus, Madonna, David Bowie, Kate Bush, Enya, the list is endless.

I craved going to concerts and clubs.
I wasn’t aware of my autism back then.
I suffered enormously for not being able to attend.

But enough regretting.
I’m now diagnosed and more confident.

I’m proud to be an 80s kid 40 years later!

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Reminiscences

Reminiscences are afterthoughts of memories. In most cases they are of traumatic origin.

Reminiscences are deep memories that leave a mark, either good or bad.

Memories come and go at any time.

Reminiscences are mostly common from mid-life and stored permanently.
That explains why the elderly better recall the past vs the present.

Another way to look at it, is seeing reminiscences as an afterthought of memories.

It’s virtually unlikely having reminiscences in our teens, those would account for trauma.

Trauma must be treated accordingly thus belonging to an independent category of mental illness, most likely PTSD.

Reminiscing is not a mental disorder.
We all do past 40/50.

I reminisce the late musician David Bowie who passed in 2016 at 69.
I grew up with his music in the 80s.
He s deemed the most influential glam-rock artist of the 70/80s.
His legacy will never end.
There are hundreds fan-groups dedicated to him on all social networks.

Up until his death, I had beautiful memories of his.
After his death, those memories turned into sad reminiscences.

I question myself if it is correct to make departed celebrities live eternally on this earth…
David Bowie withdrew from the public sphere long before his death in 2004 at 57.
He stated of wanting to spend his last years with his family.
He had not stopped touring since the 70s.
He gave enough, he desired some time alone.

In his last track ‘Lazarus’, he sings 

 ♪Look up here, I m in Heaven, everybody knows me now!

Could it mean: “Remember me in Heaven!”…….

R.I.P Starman


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Compensation in Autism

You can reclaim your youth anytime.

The 80s were my childhood years, how cool they were yet not being able to make the most of them: little to nothing was known of Autism/ADHD back then, at least in the school system.

But music helped me.
Although clubs and concerts could be overwhelming, I transformed my room in a state-of-the-art discotheque complete with mixer and psychedelic lights.
I’m not sure of the neighbors response, I didn’t budget on the volume still, they occasionally visited my home-studio.

I became kinda deejay celebrity in my neighborhood.

Despite my particular taste for Glam/Goth rock with David Bowie as role-model, I never refused guests’ requests and they always left happy.

I feel like going clubbing without fear now.
I may be up to something.

I’m not manic, I just want to reclaim my lost youth.

God loves me and knows when the most suitable time for me is. 

Age has lost its societal definition in the digital era.

Bowie said in one of his last interviews that the digital age has just landed, he passed in 2016 ndr… he would be 76 today and had no intention to retire.
I’m sure God wanted him badly. He s believed to have formally converted just days before dying. All his songs contain references to God.
There’s plenty of testimonies on the therapeutic properties of his music.
He was the Mozart of rock.

This whole article is to highlight the autistic ability to carve their alternative compensating spaces.

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Time in ADHD

Eternity is how the ADHD brain lives up to the Time. 

God created the Universe and humankind in the form of Man and Woman. He connected us to Light and Darkness through the Circadian rhythm, daylight to keep us awake, night-darkness to rest. We created Time, He created Eternity. Does Time exist in Eternity? Eternity is how the ADHD brain lives up to the Time. Like Autism, are we talking of Neurodivergence or Disability? The Church teaches that switching the day for night deliberately is going against God s Design. On the other side, those who work at night for the good of others- emergency workers, hospital staff…- have a special place in the heart of Jesus.
When Science and Faith meet.

Time is my worst nightmare.
Time-management is the main obstacle in ADHD.
Practically, there is no Time for ADHDERS.
Pressure is the definition of Time in ADHD.
Sufferers take actions under pressure, a contributing factor to hyperactivity and quick response.
While this is an advantage in emergency situations, it doesn’t work in organizational strategies. 
Organizing requires Calmness and Thinking, which are time-dependent in nature.
Without medication, ADHDERS hardly stay calm. 

‘To-do lists’ don’t work for me, the stereotypical therapeutic model for ADHD.
I remember my schedules.
Motivation and Reward are my driving tools in addition to stimulant medication.
Journaling is my daily Reward and Relaxation.
I look forward to Journaling, my Sympathetic Nervous System reminds me, no need for lists.
I  ‘appoint’ on my agenda dreaded deadlines only.
As the name implies, Deadlines are always a burden to all, yet inevitable and often forgettable.
To say, everybody suffers from ADHD to a certain degree.

That said, my way of coping with Deadlines is dissecting them into Lines, dedicating a small portion of time every day to them in a monthly format, in so doing, removing the “deadly” component.




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Passion vs Obsession

The stigma wants that all autistics think the same. That is correct as in the way we think, though most of us have one specific field of expertise, what Mental Health professionals refer to as  ‘One-way neuronal pattern’.

A blessed new week to all.
I hope…

As you know, I’m still stuck in the weekend on Monday.
As I’m still stuck in the weekdays on Saturday.
Change in routine is definitely an issue in Autism…

Today I’m thinking of a name for my channel.
Ideas are plentiful, but you can’t imagine the unavailable titles! Or is it that all autistics think the same?! 
Well, it is known that Aspergers tend to obsess on a specific subject, David Bowie in my case. His music speaks to me, literally. And I m not alone apparently…

So this is going to be a musical blog I guess.
How does music impact your life?
I can’t live without it, I express myself through music.
There s a Bowie song for each state of mind of mine.
I grew up in the 80s with him.

I’ll continue my discussion on music and David Bowie.

First of all, I want to say that I m a Christian, meaning I don’t worship anybody outside God. I believe God speaks through people and art.

Bowie speaks to me.

However, I love all music.

As an 80s child, I was inevitably influenced by Bowie.

I identified in him and most of today s music means nothing to me. Now, don’t get me wrong: this is not a blog about Bowie, but how he impacted me.

You should know that Mental Illness ran in his family. In one of his lyrics, he sings ♪ I had so many breakthroughs! ♪

His life ran along mine. Bowie would only write from real experiences, from his tragic childhood to stardom and addictions in the 70s.
Although I wasn’t around in the 70s, I did extensive research.
I know pretty much everything on Bowie.

Are we talking of passion or obsession?
What s the difference?

Neurotypicals would talk of the former for themselves and the latter in Autism…but is it not the same???

Again, is Autism a kind of personality or illness?

What we know for sure, is that society values homogeneity and shuns diversity. Unless you’re an artist, ironically.

Bowie was called ‘the Master of transformation’! And sold millions of records!

That being the case , would debunk the whole ‘diversity theory’ for the ‘success theory’: if you re rich and famous, diversity is praised. If you’re poor and unproductive you’re shunned… and when I say “unproductive” I mean different, not lazy!
Laziness is unknown to autistics! Add the co-morbidity of ADHD with Autism and you ll notice immediately the discrepancy… have you ever seen a lazy ADHDer???

The reality is that many people still deem short attention-span as laziness.
Not to mention the 80s when teachers didn’t have any Mental Health training.
I endured all sorts of abuse at the hands of teachers!

But back to music. 
I apologize for the small outburst.

It is scientifically proven that music enhances memory and emotions.
So how does it affect autistics?

Writing in the rain.
The air is so saturated that my brain can’t get the right amount of oxygen.
I’m literally hyperventilating in order to stay focused for writing. My ADHD doesn’t help and so do meds.
I apologize in advance for any mistake.
I’ll discuss Weather and Autism in a separate blog.

Are passion and obsession ‘states of mind’?
They are to me.
And I don’t see anything wrong with it: I can listen to David Bowie all day.

That causes a lot of friction with my wife, a Bowie fan herself… needless to say that s an Obsession to her resulting in arguments.

The following is our stereotypical reaction:

　“What’s wrong with you? You like David Bowie!” Me
　“As far as it doesn’t become an obsession!” Wife
　“I love him! What do you mean by Obsession?” Me
　“A negative State of mind!” She
　“Like what???” Me
　“Loss of interest in different things!” She 

Reluctantly I change music for her benefit although not understanding what a ‘State of mind’ is to neurotypicals.

I’d like to hear from you.

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Environment and diagnoses

We know that the brain is the factory of emotions, but can natural elements take a toll?

I previously mentioned Weather as a state of mind.
I believe it is. 
Every person experiences weather differently, some like cold, some hot, some rain, etc.

I fancy mild sunny days. 
I don’t mind gentle rain, though I dread humidity.
Destiny wants that I live in a very humid country. 

Needless to say, Winter is my most suitable time.
My body doesn’t perceive cold during freezing bright sunny days . 
I’m supposed to go into hypothermia with short-sleeves in 5 C temperatures, whereas I m perfectly comfortable in the sun. 
Same temperature at night, I shiver!

Is it the same with emotions? I mean, are they environmentally conscious?

Autism could be the way we react to our circumstances.

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Full-time autistic solo travelers

Exploring the many facets of Novelty and Rewiring.

People change from time to time.
Could Rewiring be time-sensitive?

In order to elaborate Rewiring, we can’t omit Attachment and Leaving.
Autists get easily attached to things because they become part of routine.
By relocating overseas, we can’t pack everything in our luggage.
Shipping is the only option although costs far exceed the real value of goods.
The action of choice is taking the essential while put on auction extra stuff.
Once relocated, it is much cheaper buying brand new furniture.

Good news for most neurotypicals always on the outlook for the latest inventory.
Not so much for change-reluctant autists however, I have no alternatives.
I try to concentrate on the most appealing opportunity to go home.

I am coming to the conclusion that working on Adaptation is the best way of self-Rewiring.
Unless it’s the same process.

Now as promised before, I ’ll examine the connection between traveling full-time and escaping.

Escape is the last stage of depression. The implications are very unpredictable, a way of gambling with life.

Escape is used, if not synonym, for desperation.
Mental health professionals don’t stand the chance with escapism.
Psychologists describe this vicious circle as “feeling trapped “, the last stage of suicide.

We are our best doctors, after all…

I feel trapped in Japan since the advent of Covid.
This day marks 4 years from the last time I visited my country.
I m reaching rock-bottom.
I always wait for the best circumstances to make a move, an outdated line of thought, the future is no longer predictable in this relentless Artificial Intelligence day and age.
Every day is a new beginning.
The new philosophy is ‘living to the day’.
Success is happening to be in the right place at the right time.
In other words, gambling with life.

That would be the rational thinking behind the autistic full-time traveler.
The bothersome commonality which I have found in these persons is the hatred for their place of origin.
This scores high enough for Escapism.
Escape always comes down to an end.
I love traveling with the security of a base, though I would never go to a blind date.

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Holiday stress in Autism

 Living abroad is a major challenge for autists yet
I’m willing to follow my partner everywhere rather than being alone. 

I’m a European married man on ASD/ADHD living in Asia with my Asian wife.

I constantly need to keep my mind busy.

I can’t bear hot-humid air forcing me to stay indoors during the Monsoon Asian Summer well in the 40C aggravated by 90% humidity.　
The air-conditioner screams for mercy 24/7…and so the electricity bills.

Weather can outweigh heavily on the body and mood of over-sensitive groups, leading to isolation, depression and homesickness. These mental states affect subconsciously social interactions. It’s important to share these feelings with locals.
People in this part of the world, wait eagerly for Autumn, best dry, mild season after 6 months of misery. 

There are practically two seasons only in Asia weighing heavily on the body and mind.
Autistic people are extremely sensitive to weather changes, particularly humidity and lack of sunlight.
This compels to unwind with locals, excessive use of electricity, until the progression to the last stage of hopelessness, Self-isolation.
I don’t go out other than for essentials from June to October. Mixed feelings and racing thoughts take over.

I m working hard setting up my business as to go back to Europe with my wife by next year.

Moving and Traveling have different goals. The former is permanent, the latter transient. Holiday is transient and I dread it.  For most expatriates, holiday is home, regardless of seasons. Summer is just a depressing reminder of holiday to me.
Holidays are temporary illusions, they drain me physically and emotionally.
All my thoughts race to my native Europe where I have a house on the Mediterranean coast and it’s mild all year round.
I want to live, work, holiday there for the foreseeable future.
I never really understood the purpose of holidays.
Surveys have long evidenced ‘post-holiday depression and fatigue’ in most cases.
I love visiting friends whilst I hate spending a couple of weeks a year in a holiday resort.
Home must be our holiday resort, that’s where we spend our lives, unlike full-time travelers, a new figure emerging these days thanks to online jobs, although the implications deserve a separate thread.

Asia is just work to me, Mondays and Weekends are hard to come by.
Our adaptation times are longer, in my case exacerbated by living abroad.

My Asian wife occasionally suggests to take a weekly break to Europe, a kiss of death to me: 24 hours return-flight and jet-lag just to mention some.
It s 3 years since we don’t take holidays. 
My weekend outings are within one-hour travel range.
I love nature, despite returning to base is always crashing, nevertheless.

It is important to choose the right place to live in for autists. 
We re not of the kind who can adapt regardlessly.
We need structures and suitable environments. 
Unfortunately, it is not always possible to combine the two.

I have all structures where I live, though I m surrounded by cement and tower-blocks.
I have to travel 3 hours to reach the nearest beach, time-consuming and expensive, not doable in one day unless I want to return home more exhausted than before. 

I believe autists do better at self-employed.

Age is an obstacle too in European politics where you are expected to be settled by 40.
Employers prefer hiring a cheap youngster instead of a highly paid experienced middle-aged.

I wonder how much environment influences autists.
Logically a lot, based on our habitual attitude.

Statistics show that most successful autists-ASDs- live in idyllic places at contact with nature.
Metropolitan autists seem to struggle more.

My biggest mistake was moving to Asia.

Back then, it sounded the best decision, I can’t live alone, my parents passed away, despite my wife s promise to join me back in Europe after settling few things in her country.
I do have abandonment issues.

I want to go home for good.

Time will come.


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