Tag Archive for: Nostalgia

Internet addiction

Technology has gotten out of control. Based on medical data, social media are adding to our anxiety. 

The Internet started with a noble attitude, just to get out of hand. ‘Internet addiction’ has become a diagnosis. I’m assailed by a destructive sense of nostalgia. Life as my generation knew it, doesn’t exist anymore.

Recent studies on teenagers showcase mood-improvements after just two weeks off media.
Governments are imposing strict rules to media giants.

For my generation, only the Past counts: Religion teaches that the Past doesn’t exist anymore, the medical profession sees it in a traumatic context.

Only the future is real these days, the biggest lie.
The future is most unpredictable: ‘predicting’ is never 100% accurate.
Who could predict the Covid pandemic?

There is no Future for me.
I only live in a traumatic Past and a slip-away Present.

Fear of age gripped me since I moved abroad. I never obsessed over age in my country, whilst it has become a painful countdown here.

Before the Internet age, we could spend Summer holidays sleeping on the beach without thinking of tomorrow.
We could stop time.

Nowadays, we want to escape the Momentum, because nothing is still.
We constantly project.

We didn’t have cell-phones in the 80s.
We could only watch the sea and the stars on the beach.
We felt united, free, safe. How many longtime, sincere, passionate love stories enfolded. The sentiment of Belonging as one body was dopamine flowing.
Sure, there was night and day, but the sea and the stars were always there.
Sunrises were soothing reminders of a new worry-free day.

Today, we watch at the phone on the beach.

Texts flashing no stop, leading us mercilessly into the day ahead, all the while scared to turn the phone off.

/by

80 s Fame Music Stars

Neurodiversity is evidently a ‘requirement’ in the show-business… whether real or staged, what role does Entertainment play in mental health?

I was deeply disturbed by the deaths of Tina Turner and Sinead O’ Connor. Most of the 80 s celebrities have died in the last decade.
Needless to say, they were human encyclopedias of mental illness.

I don’t worship celebrities, I honour the ones who played a role in my life, i.e. David Bowie, Madonna, Michael Jackson…

What role celebrities play?
Entertainment for sure, but not only.

Each celebrity, or ‘icon’ in the music industry, is associated with a particular audience.

The 80s saw the emergence of the Gothic movement.
David Bowie was the pioneer and the inspiration of all 80s musicians.
Peoples who grew up in those days, were inevitably influenced.
Song-lyrics were romantic, sad, reflective.
Dressing in black and purple was trendy between the young.
My generation still lives in that dimension.

Movements are a form of protection.
Gothic clubs for the middle-aged thrive as of today in America.
In Europe, they disappeared.

History repeating itself: everything borne in the Old Continent and move to the New World.

Tina Turner was the exception: she was born in America and moved to Europe in mid-life.
She downplayed her role.

R.I.P.




/by

Too much at stake

The aftermath of happy memories.

Too much at stake is a cry for help.
This week I have too much at stake.

It is possibly the worst state of mind to me: I feel out of touch, I can’t cope, I’m not able to multitask, I lack support and diversions, visual representations trigger me, sleep is not resting.

The Past sucks my happiness, I wish I could erase it permanently.
I dread memories since they belong to the past. The past is addictive like a recreational drug: the euphoria is always followed by crashing. Unfortunately, memories can’t be erased naturally.
I’m disassociating.

I knew it was going to happen. 

I couldn’t refrain from watching a documentary about my country in the hope of the euphoric reaction into bringing up happy memories.
It worked just fine while watching, only to be followed by unbearable nostalgia the next day.
I pretend to be there by detaching from reality.
It’s scary and draining.
My concentration swings dramatically between locations.

I can’t wait for the second episode tonight since it’s a five episode’ series.
It will be a spark of adrenaline and excitement, a temporary relief, an addiction.
The nostalgia will keep building up.
It will be a miserable week.

I have no options: my neurotypical wife loves my country and wants to watch with me in the capacity of commentator.
A typical example of co-dependency.I know how she craves Europe.

How long will it take for me to recover?
I m lucky to see my psychiatrist next week, that will help some…
Disassociating is not the solution.

Again, my dear autistic friends, choose carefully which means of entertainment work best for you.

And most importantly, keep in mind that adrenaline rushes are always followed by the deepest crashes.

It doesn’t pay off.

/by