If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed
There is a firm limit between Respect and Exploitation in elderly care.
Jesus said “Honour your mother and father”.
He also said “husband and wife must leave their parents”.
Controversial words, yet most wise.
Many Christians struggle with those contradictory beliefs: some go all the way down to abandoning their ailing parents in their homes, the more considerate by discarding them in a nursing home.
One would think the latter is the best option, though both choices often share the same outcome, Abandonment.
It was recently in the news of a woman whose five sons haven’t visited her in five years at the nursing home.
Either way is terribly wrong.
It’d look like most people shorten the Commandment by “leave your parents”.
I understand it is impossible for a working family with children to visit daily their old parents, but not an hour or so once a week.
That is Honouring.
Unfortunately, there are implications to Abandoning.
Psychologists refer to it as ‘Toxic parenting’, a form of NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Not to be confused with age-degenerative conditions like Alzheimer’s.
The two can have similar symptoms, although pathologically different: NPD is not age-related, though of traumatic origin. Early-onset Dementia/Alzheimer starts around 40.
Prompt evaluation is vital.
The hardest part is assuming that a person is old at 40.
In Western culture, Illness is still extremely associated with age, a kind of escapism, the common thought that we are all strong and fit at 20 while all wrecks at 70…
This attitude is very compromising to the timing of seeking Medical attention.
It is well understood that Prevention is the best cure for any disease.
Toxic parenting fully qualifies for Exploitation.
Narcissistic parents want to exert control over their children indefinitely.
There are two reactions to this behavior: inability to detach from parents, or subconscious rebellion in the form of Abandonment.
I’m not justifying Abandonment under any circumstances either.
I advocate for seeking early help.
Never assume based on age.
Age is individual, some people are old at 40, others young at 70.
Break stigma, and most importantly, know that help is available.
