Neurodivergent Human Rights

Neurodivergents have a hard time displaying dignity. They are often misunderstood as apathetic.

We all have a dignity, although we often don’t pay attention to it.
We subconsciously disregard dignity in people we dislike or when overcome by anger.

“Do you have a dignity?!” is a stereotypical verbal insult when we are angry at someone.

Dignity is the most humble component of personality, not something to be exhibited.
We must see dignity in our neighbour.
When deliberately displayed, dignity becomes pride.
The winning result is knowing how best to display our personality.

In essence, dignity and pride shouldn’t be displayed, though mutually acknowledged.
Only this way we’ll develop empathy.
Empathy must be displayed towards everyone.

Unfortunately, we re heading to an increasingly individual society.
The good news is that empathy is contagious and never hurts.
Learning good listening skills is a key-step forward towards Empathy.

Empathy is always dignifying and respectful, especially towards the Neurodivergent.
The strongest antidote to discrimination in every social setting.
I should add Empowering too.
Some ‘Neurodiversity-friendly Employers’ are starting to see the real potentials in the Neurodivergent with selected vacancies.
My hope is for a Neurodivergent-friendly society.
Still a long way to go, though increasingly advocated.



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Hypersensitivity in Autism

Autistics cannot read facial expressions?!

I am very sharp at understanding body-language.
I observe facial expressions carefully when I speak, in so easily anticipating counter-outputs.

Neurotypical/Neurodivergent relationship

My wife is often embarrassed by not being able to hide her personal feelings with me. I understand within seconds if her smile is staged or genuine.
Sometimes it helps, others it causes friction. 
Not always, we want to disclose our innermost emotions.

My response is launching in an exhaustive sixth-grade, out of concern: “ Something happened? Are you depressed, angry, worried………?!” 

Until she lets out a desperate “Enough! Bugging me”.
The good news is that she appreciates my concern later on, and thanks me.

I believe the best strategy for a good neurotypical/neurodivergent relationship,  is making use of diversity in balancing emotions.




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My ways are not your ways

You are worthy. Always be open to new opportunities. Your commitment is your success. It will bear fruit in due course. Never stop searching.

In the midst of a nasty hurricane.
What better way to enter a new week and season…

I’m angry and overwhelmed. 

I m suffering at the hands of man. 
We are responsible for recent natural disasters.

I love nature.

It breaks my heart to see how man messed up with Nature, since it is my ultimate refugium peccatoribus, Latin for ‘Refuge of Sinners’.

I want to live and work in contact with nature, not in a booth embedded in a tower-block. 
Spoken like an urban animal… all my life I lived in big metropolises with the fake illusion of a more opened society, just to clash with competition and discrimination.

Surely, there are more opportunities appealing to the young, in a big city.
Healthcare may offer more options.
Culture as well.

I perused all of the above, only nature can carry on my process of healing at this stage.

As a Christian, I know God has a plan for each one of us.
But in His time… that could be the bad news… there is no time for God.

A Priest once told me: 
“Let go of all your heart s desires and make space for Him. Every time you awake is because of Him. You wouldn’t awake anymore should He have no more plans for you on this earth. Even an apparently mindless day to you, it is meaningful to Him.”

We have given a bad name to things like Waiting, i.e. Laziness.
What’s wrong with dedicating the whole day to prayer? Surely NOT wasted time. 
Truth is, I am more fruitful after a so-called ‘unproductive day.’
A regular working-day could turn out unproductive.
As far as you try your best, it’s not! 
A good manager will see your commitment. 
If they don’t, it’s not part of God’s plan for you and new doors will open.

That s how I m learning to discern my Time as an AUdhd man.
Definitely not a wasted day, despite the merciless weather.



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Revenge and Forgiveness

Neural Pathways are activated in Forgiving. 

Forgiveness has two ethical antonyms, Moral Relativism and Moral Absolutism, the former Cultural, the latter Universal. The commonality is that Forgiveness is not only a Free-Will as previously thought, but the outcome of Brain-circuitry, mainly through Emotional Amyloid Activation. Since the Amygdala is part of the Autonomous Nervous System, voluntary Activation turns into Overdrive with inconsiderate, potentially harmful, vengeful consequences towards the offender. Any feeling of Revenge must be addressed to Professionals who will contact Law-Enforcement, should the threat become intentional. The new definition of Forgiveness is letting go of Revenge. Past Hurt will lurk indefinitely in long-term memory however, erasing Revenge promotes Peace and Recovery.

So, can we still talk of Forgiveness in lay terms?

On a further level, has Forgiveness ever existed? Surely not, as redefined these days in psychology. Christianity has always defined Forgiving as  “Commanding your offender to God”, to signify that it is ultimately His exclusive responsibility. “Commanding” is all He asks from us, yet even Commanding seems insurmountable when we are consumed by Revenge.
By refusing that context, we have coined the stereotype “I will never forgive!”, whereas Commanding would be the correct term.

Basically, both psychology and religion are affirming the same concept: Relinquishing resentments.

Moral Relativism vs Moral Absolutism

The practice is aggravated by two different cultural models: Moral Relativism and Moral Absolutism. The terminology speaks for themselves. Relativism is an individual choice. Absolutism is a universal choice, leaving no room for personal opinion, a dogma linked primarily to Biblical teachings, the way to go for practicing Christians. Relativism is primarily of Agnostic origin, leaving free interpretation of what is right or sinful, strongly cultural. 
No judgement here, you know what works best for you, the goal is Relinquishing Anger.

The Brain Processing of Anger

MRI scans have shown the formation of new Neural Pathways in subjects during Commanding, a process named Neuroplasticity, meaning Brain-Rewiring.
Letting go of Revenge showed decreased Amyloid activity, promoting Emotional Regulation and Empathy in a general sense of wellbeing.
Conversely, angry subjects showed an overreacting Amygdala, resulting in feelings of counter-hurting, violence and generalized rage.
I understand Revenge doesn’t heal overnight, though Willingness is a start.

Let go of your anger

New Neural pathways start forming the very moment we are set to relinquish, making the journey gradually easier.
Everybody can do it, once we understand the Benefits over Retaining.
Counseling may be mandatory in heavy traumatized patients in the initial stages.
Family and friends should be empathetic and encouraging, avoiding unnecessary pressure. Giving testimony is the most powerful tool, Evidence is never triggering and strongly engaging.

Overall, be a good Listener and Witness.

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Standpoints vs Defensiveness

Conflict-avoidance reverses Anger to Validation.

I’ve been talking a lot about Triggers and Defensiveness.

It is clear that Defensiveness is a byproduct of Anger. Some psychiatrists see Defensiveness and Anger as a single emotion.

Counter-validating is not giving up your standpoints, it’s a way of avoiding triggers as part of Anger management.
We can keep Anger at bay, but NOT erasing it.
We can turn Anger to our Wellbeing and Validation.

It is possible with time.

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Envy or Anger

Anger can take many forms, although it is oftentimes the result of trauma and abuse.

Anger is very individual.

To me, it s primarily Envy and Regret.

I regret growing up in the 80s when teachers didn’t have any mental-health training to recognise Autism and ADHD. 

I envy today’s children who are identified with learning disabilities in early life and put on special-needs education.

Back in the day, you were put on abuse….

I’ll never forget the trauma my entire life.


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Initiative / follow up

Gaining trust is challenging for neurodivergents. We are often misunderstood. It is vital setting boundaries and responsibilities in relationships between neurotypicals and neurodivergents.

My wife often tells me that I shout.
It’s not shouting for me but mirroring emotions.

I’ve been shouted at all my life.

I never get emotional with the purpose of offending.
Raising the voice is my means of protection.
My mother-in-law always shouts to my wife and I reply accordingly.

However, my wife doesn’t want me to get involved.

So here’s what happened today :
We go shopping-hate it but necessary- and I make the list as usual. 
I’m good at making lists.

Once we arrive at the mall and take the basket from the car, I spot my mother-in-law s basket and get emotional by saying “Why didn’t you tell me we have to do the shopping for your mother?!” 
Her mother loves shopping… 
“Because we were going!”

We spent an extra hour shopping, consequently.

Arrived home, I collect the laundry since it was threatening rain: “It s still wet!” Emotional again: “But it’ll rain soon! I want to dispose of the laundry! Why can’t I?!” 
“Because you shout!”

I meant “Hurry, it will rain soon!”

From today, I decided not to do things on my own initiative.

I’ll leave it to you to comment.
No offence will be taken. 

I feel downgraded for my diversity.

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Initiative

It’s best for neurodivergents to let trusted people do the first step. 

Yesterday I relaxed with my wife after an emotional weekend.

You’ll remember my resolution of avoiding to start tasks on my own.
→  ASD/ADHD vs Neurotypical Standards

The logic is, if my wife takes the initiative, I will comply without debates.
I’m anti-conflict by nature. 

I confess, it s not easy to keep the mouth shut.
Even more being passive.
After all, I am the neurodivergent.

I don’t suggest anymore what to eat, what to watch, etc.
I didn’t collect the laundry tonight like before, I ll help if she asks.
And most importantly, she won’t complain that it s still wet.

If marriage is compromising, even more so a neurodivergent one.


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  ASD/ADHD vs Neurotypical Standards

We are all unique and worthy. That can lead to confrontation. However, we can change confrontation to peaceful resolution with a funny sense of humor.

So I’ve been told I m not good at house-chores by my wife: men and women have different standards in house-chores.

Laundry is one of mine, a time-dependent chore.
I collect the laundry before sunset no matter what.
Besides, clothes don’t get any drier once the sun goes down and humidity up in Asia.

I proceed with folding the garments and put them in the drawers. My wife argues I should hang them indoors…no way I’m going to transform my room in a terrace! 

Who’s right or wrong?

I can’t discern from an autistic standpoint, I m eager to hear your thoughts.

I would like to hear from men and women together for an impartial opinion.

“I told you so” welcome, no offense intended, lol.

Who said autistics have no sense of humor?
Let’s have some fun, friends!



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Abuse coping in ASD/ADHD

There are anti-bullying techniques. Do not underestimate yourself.

The Autonomous Nervous System is composed by the Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Systems which literally FIGHT with each-other in Autism, whereas they BALANCE each-other in Neuro Normal Merit Standards.

The ‘Fight or Flee Sympathetic effect’ is predominant in Autism.
There’s little the Parasympathetic System can do once we’re upset.
Avoiding triggers is the option of choice.

What can we do when abused verbally?
The obvious answer would be ‘let go’…
How if we are already triggered?

Counter-validating: acknowledging the abuser.
What sounds bad for you, can be rewarding for them.
Bullies look for reward, play their game and disarm them.

This way, there’s no need to be defensive and they will be displaced.
In turn, they will acknowledge your standpoint.
A win-win tactic.

I’m working on that.

You can do it.

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