Masking

In this digital age, Image speaks more than language. Texting is more popular than verbal communication. Appearance is the reflection of our workplace and personality, the first feature taken into account by recruiters or dating partners. The pressure on Appearing has surpassed verbal exchange, complicating conversations and turning personal hygiene into obsessive rituals.

Social phobia is the new pandemic.
Autistics are not exempt, although their coping mechanism differs from the neurotypical.

We all obsess over appearing, these days, something in common once in awhile between neurodivergent and neurotypical! 
Autists try hard to mask, the neurotypical drain themselves with multiple compulsive daily showers and cosmetology.

Both  are wrong in their own fashion, that is not the definition of Hygiene, yet autists are not dirty, nonetheless.
Excessive showering depletes the skin of protective oils, giving an aging look.
If we shower before bed, it’s unlikely that we are dirty in the morning, unless the bed becomes an additional alternative to the gym, prompting us to yet another extra final rinse.

See, we don’t know anymore how to relax by managing time. The average amount of sleep in the middle-aged group is 4/5 hours per night, of course you look a wreck the following morning! So comes another cold shower to wake us up, though the outcome doesn’t get any better.
A vigorous fresh face-washing has the same awakening effect of a shower, hair looks smoother still, we act out of fear to appear.

Masking works in the short-term, despite exhausting, the treatment of choice for autists.

Body language plays a crucial role until the ultimate decision-making takes its toll, or when the mask-mandate comes to an end, time to reveal our true nature.
The outcome is up to us.
We must select our strongholds and we will give the best appearance.
Autistics are extremely selective, a win-win technique.
Don’t mask, be God’s hero.
We all have weaknesses, Accept yourself.

Masking is always a cause of Regret.
Latest therapy works on reversing Regret to Reset in midlife, based on the stereotype that life starts again at 40.
The biggest commercial scam to date, in my humble opinion.

Why waiting 40 years to lower the Mask?
This new approach is a praise for masking successfully in youth.
These  ‘therapists’ obviously are unaware of the discomfort associated to 40 years of masking.
I bet they are New Agers.
They practically deny Youth by giving Middle-age the ‘Prime of life’ s name.
As a middle aged myself, I can testify that the 40s and 50s are the toughest years. I do look forward to 60 however, not by the declassification of youth.

I can figure out the logic behind it, nevertheless: if you’re in midlife, it’s most likely you received an Autism/ADHD diagnosis in adulthood. Plenty of people my generation are diagnosed well in their 40/50 s.
Nowadays, Autism/ADHD are typically detected in the third year of life, ndr.
It is the former group being targeted by Reset therapy.
The theory is, once the damage is done, there’s no way back, but to Reset.
Again, terminology is in constant play. Reset is nothing else than Rewire, just more AIsh conform. I’ll never submit to AI. I’m a human.

I fully support Rewiring from childhood.
Personality normally keeps evolving until 25, after which, Rewiring becomes obsolete.
It is not clear what Resetting will accomplish.
This kind of therapy claims to turn Youth Regret into Pride, which is starting with the wrong leg. It is long established the association of Pride with Masking.

Acceptance is the first step towards recovery, agreed by all traditional Mental Health Professionals.
That prompts the inevitable question, what’s the difference between Pride and Acceptance?
Pride is always forced upon, a fighting state that can collapse anytime and expose Shame.
Acceptance is Pride without Shame and Arrogance.

Turning Youth Regret into Pride in midlife, is Smacking youth, literally.
As if the first 40 years of life were meaningless, in other words, Denying one s youth.
The message is “Life starts just now. You made it to 40, be proud!”

I agree with living in the Present by Acceptance of the Past, NOT Regret.

/by

Stuck in time

Benefits of music in Brain-Rewiring.

Music is one of the main markers of time.
We all have a special song in our heart associated with the happiest time of our life.

I thought to myself, a beautiful memory, until I was challenged by a musical programme hosted by a middle-aged musician.

I was very touched, since my music-idol, David Bowie, happens to have died in 2016 with my heart s tracks.

Needless to say, music is my medicine.

The radio guest commented that music is in constant evolution and we must evolve either with dead or active musicians.
Fans tend to identify with an artist and are unable to rewire their brain musically.
It is scientifically proven that music can wire up neuronal circuits.

That has dramatic consequences on the music industry and the consumers:
older generations don’t listen to new bands, in turn, new bands have a hard time building base-listenership with teenagers.

I hear all the time from the middle-aged that today s music means nothing to them.
I put myself in between by acknowledging the painful generational divisions.

That said, what is the solution?
Social Interaction.

We didn’t have these generational issues before the social media bubble.
In the 80/90 s we met people by chance in the parks, pubs… we didn’t care about age but sharing, last but not least, music.

I’ll never forget a vibrant 70 years old Beatles crazy I befriended in London Hyde Park in my 20s! He would tell me about the 60’s and I would enlighten him on Bowie.
Guess what: I developed an interest in 60’ society and he started listening to Bowie.

Those were the days!

Media are destroying us.
We re just starting to understand it.
About time.

R. I.P. Jim

I wish I was Jim in 30 years in England talking about Bowie to young people in the park whilst learning about new bands.

/by

Autistic Routines

Neuronal displacement is extremely debilitating. Recovery can be timely and requires a significant amount of work and dedication in autism.

Today is sweltering and water is rationed, a foreseeable common scenario for the near future as result of the ongoing global warming.

I feel displaced.
You’re already familiar with the word.

That comports a change in routine.
Bells ringing… I need to adjust.
And here come the migrant neurons into question again.

Back in the day, it was believed that once neuronal circuits were formed during gestation, they couldn’t change anymore in life.
The theory is still entertained by conservative scientists and the benchmark of autism, sadly.

How can evidence be ignored?
Mood-stabilizers and Motion-sickness’ medication are the most promising treatments in Mental Health.

All these compounds target neurons displacement.

I have taken a motion-sickness pill and am using wipes as alternative to showering.
I feel much better.
I ‘ll shower tomorrow.

It is obvious that I’m still wired to showering, though I can ‘adjust’ to temporary challenges with proper medication.

Based on my experience, I believe that brain circuits can be re-wired.

/by

Brain rewiring

Common symptoms of Neuronal dysfunction. 

Rewiring is a term used by Mental Health professionals to describe neuroplasticity, the ability of the brain to adapt to new environments.

OCD-Obsessive Compulsive Disorder- is a common feature of autism.

OCD is not an illness in itself but a symptom, specifically an obsession.
It never manifests individually yet hatches to underlying conditions by exacerbating them.
The sufferer is fully aware of their surroundings but unable to control their compulsions, i.e. they know that the door is locked, though they can’t refrain from repeatedly checking.

Rewiring the brain is not easy task.
Most often, sufferers have no options other than facing the challenge forcibly.
My case is very descriptive: I crave to go home despite the fear of change.

Antidepressants help to a varying degree.
Stimulants work better with underlying ADHD.

However, OCD is still treated off-label.

/by

Perfectionism in neurodiversity

Perfection is not humanly designed. Perfectionism is a Mental Disorder underlying other conditions, most commonly ADHD and OCD. The healthy definition of Perfectionism is “Doing the best of your ability.”

Perfectionism is a Delusion.
The human brain is not set to Perfection.
In neurotypicals, the pseudonym “perfect!” refers to “well done!”
“Well done” doesn’t mean “perfect”, it means “good job”.
“Perfect” is just a misused, lazy term.

Unfortunately, the neurodivergent take Perfection to the letter with due consequences: since humans will never achieve perfection, the struggle is real and time consuming. The quest for imaginary perfection takes its toll on Timing. 
This pattern translates Perfection to Failure.

Our society is timely. Everything happens in a Time-setting.
We can’t stop Time because we are mortals.
We can only virtually stop Age as in a  ‘time setting’, “Age is a number…”, a personal attribute, some people feel 85 at 65, others feel 20 at 65…
I feel 30 at 50, nonetheless.

Time and Age are not the same concept: Age is the Result of time, Time is the natural cycle of the planets and depending stars, what astronomers call Orbits. Technically, Time started with the Big Bang for humankind, although latest evidence suggests the existence of a pre-Universe. Anyway, let’s not get into astronomy, knowing that the Earth is 3 billions years old and the Sun has sufficient energy for the next million years, is what matters to humankind.

We can’t sacrifice time for perfection.
Knowing our abilities will keep us on time by giving our best either at work or study. Giving the best will always account for ‘Good Job’ !
Every good educator or boss will acknowledge one’s best effort regardless the score, unlike 30 years ago when only the grades counted, sadly.

I’m not saying that scores don’t count, nowadays, what I mean is that low scores generated by best practices can be implemented, they are never a failure.

One of the greatest visionary musicians of the last 50 years, David Bowie, used to rehearse one time only, no matter what, Perfection was composing a song within 3 days for him, and all his music was a success despite “not perfect”, in his own words. He was no genius, he knew his limits and abilities.

With that quote, I’ll conclude that Time is Perfection in human nature.
Don’t be late…


/by

Event processing in Autism

 ‘Social Jet lag’ is the definition of Exhaustion in ADHD/Autism following social events. Getting ready for expected events is of utmost importance in Autism. Envisioning the predictable alleviates the unpredictable.

I came across an article on Autism/ADHD which consolidated my coping strategies.

Time accounts for a major change in Autism.
Changes are big stressors.

The theory is to be prepared for changes, particularly unexpected ones.

Weather is quite predictable in Asia with two main seasons only: dry and mild Autumn/Winter, damp and hot Spring/Summer.
Still, passing from 6 months of comfortable sunny days to 6 months of rain and  humidity doesn’t leave many chances for the body to adapt gradually like with 4 seasons.

However, one can’t be prepared for the unexpected, though we can picture approximately in our minds what unexpected scenarios might take over.
It’s a win-win technique that works some for me.

I had the proof last night: a heavy storm advisory was in place.
I didn’t want to stand the chance and went to bed with an extra sleeping pill.
Until the storm hit.
I woke up immediately in panic and couldn’t get back to sleep.
It wouldn’t have happened had I processed the warning before lying down.

So, how does event-processing work?
Weekly planning is a startup.
Sure, circumstances can change suddenly, but having an ‘emergency plan’ handy can save your day/night.

I won’t go any longer to bed prompted by exhaustion only.
Half hour of time-processing is worth the effort.

The same can be said for social events.
Socializing is both craved and draining in Autism and ADHD.
Once again, Masking to conform is the main stressor.
The major concern with Masking is Pleasing-Overwhelm, in other words, Conforming.
I said multiple times how Masking is short-lived.
If you really can’t avoid it, having an  Emergency Plan,  ‘Exit Strategy’ in psychology, is crucial.

‘Exit’ speaks alone.
We’re never alone in a social setting, soon or later, the Mask will drop. Disengaging temporarily from the group, allows us to recharge.
There are hundreds means of kindly disengaging: the most common is setting a  Time-frame. If the pressure builds up suddenly, have an excuse ready.

Last week, I attended a concert with my wife and her friends.

The heat in the Concert-Hall was sweltering, although the music made up for them: Europeans and Asians have different temperature-thresholds.
I excused myself and went out half hour. No offence taken, the night ended smoothly despite Social Jet-lag the morning after.

Acceptance is always the action of choice.

/by

Self-rule in Autism

Terminology is in constant evolution in Medicine, although not always indispensable.

Language is one of the most common signs of the time.
Since the advent of Internet, it would seem  ‘fashionable’ to introduce unnecessary new vocabulary to long established functional terminology.

Self-rule is just another example of Routine, with a more inquisitive emphasis.

I’m not against renewal when necessary.
What worries me, is the further  ‘cruel tone’ adopted by new vocabulary.
Many new words are created with Artificial Intelligence, hence lacking human touch.

Self-rule highlights the unwillingness for Change in autism.
Surely, autists are comfortable with routine, although Willingness is not precluded.

We’re confusing Unwillingness with Fear.
Autists CRAVE for Neurotypicality to the draining extent of Masking.
A good number of autistics, mainly middle-aged, seek help late in adulthood when they have exhausted their masking skills.
They are not entirely to blame, educators knew little to nothing of neurodevelopment disorders up to thirty years ago.
Early diagnoses make the big leap into managing fear.


/by

Meltdown in Autism

It’s important to recognize the early signs of a meltdown and abate it in it’s tracks. Don’t stand the chance. 

You can’t make it alone if you get panic. Benzodiazepines can help as soon as hyperventilation occurs, lying down with some soothing music. You should start feeling better in 15 minutes, stay calm. Always have emergency medication handy. If outdoors, reach out to bystanders and ask for an ambulance.

I’m frightened.
I can’t see my future.
I feel threatened. 

We were headed to Europe in 2020!  
Covid ruined our life.

That’s the price of international marriages… though I couldn’t find a better partner.

My advice to young mixed-race couples is to get settled before 40.

People my age plan their retirement, I’m still planning my life!

Meltdown occurs mainly in the evening.

I dread sunsets, Medication wears off in the evening, I’m co-morbid with ADHD. 

My concentration starts waning at around 3pm in Winter, or following a major argument.

I cancelled a health-check tomorrow.
I’m burnt out, that will make for a guaranteed admission.

I hate Psychiatric Asian hospitals, the equivalent of Criminal s Medical Detention Centers.

Never confront autistics.
Just listen and sympathize with them.

Verbal abuse is destructive in autism. People living with autistics must learn when to speak calmly. It’s always better to leave the person alone during a crisis. Meltdowns are short-lived. Show compassion and reassurance once the subject cools down. Never counterattack. 

Having an episode.

Rocking hard.
I’m scared.
I’m very sensitive to words.
My wife and uncle still haven’t understood to keep silent when I am overwhelmed.
The more they scold me the more I panic.

I wish I could die instantly as to shut the Devil up.
He knows how to scare me by putting the most triggering blasphemies in their mouths: “Who wants to stay with you?! You re scum! Stop mourning! Shame on you!”

Me:
“I don’t like to call! Sending videos is stupid! Internet makes people idiot! I only use pen and paper! You must go away from your mother-in-law! ……”

Everything started with my uncle’s call last night over financial issues.

I’m so homesick.
I want to thrive, not survive!

I heard a programme on the radio about Autistic meltdown: feeling broken and forgotten is mostly common.

Healthy debate is beneficial. It is intended to set respectful boundaries between family and friends however, it doesn’t come easy for autists, although with patience and understanding, you will get through. The first step is avoiding humiliation. The worst arguments arise from humiliation. Always respect your interlocutor no matter what. Respect is the anti-chamber of Peace. Humiliation, the trigger of Meltdown.
Humiliation is the worst way of arguing, it deprives a person from all dignity.

All couples argue, it s a normal way of setting boundaries and occasionally necessary.
I feel better and at peace after a healthy debate with my wife.

Unfortunately, stress-fueled arguing gets out of control, often resulting in verbal abuse, or humiliation as I perceive it.

One of my boundaries is working hard to set my business and hit the bed by 9pm watching a soft comedy.

On the other hand, my wife is a night owl, spending two hours to take a bath after work.
By the time she’s all set, it s 11pm and I’m sound asleep.

Bath for her is relaxation, whilst I’m a 15 mins shower type.
Bed is my comfort zone.

So, yesterday I lost my rack after an exhausting schedule: I refused to eat dinner and went straight to bed.

That escalated quickly.
“How dare you?! You’re like an 80 years old man! You do nothing for me! Who wants you?! Autistics are selfish bums!” And the list is endless…

I was about to snap when I went fully catatonic until she calmed down.
They were the longest 30 mins of my life.
I felt so humiliated that my brain literally shut off in self-defence. 
She eventually stopped the rant.

Dissociation is my defence mechanism, the outcome of humiliation.



/by

ASD/ADHD Despair

Foreign environment can help in the short term for PTSD related issues. In the long run, it can take its toll even more so in autism.

I m disheartened.

I want to leave this place. 
The desire is stronger by the day.

I m exhausted and scared.
And lonely. I feel so lonely!

I can’t do anything alone. I rely fully on my beloved wife. And my faith.
She can sense my tension.

Taking a break.

Recovered emotionally to a certain extent.

I always have Radio in the background whilst I work.
Silence causes me anguish whereas music relaxes me and makes me more productive.
Radio is also my only connection with my country.
So many memories…

I believe if one could go back in time, they will make all different decisions.

Back in the day, I thought relocating overseas would prove beneficial to me.
Well, not in Asia. Not in mid-life. 
You never really settle as an autistic expat.
We need our territory.

The more you age the more territorial you become.

For autistics, territory is very much geographical rather than roomy.
In fact, my room has become my prison since I work from home.
For now…

/by